#13: Friends with Benefits: is it possible for women?!?!

It’s been a while since I wrote about what is going on in my “love life”. Quotations because there isn’t a lot of love happening. There is a lot of sex though. John Boy just so happens to be a very good friends-with-benefits. I’ve never done fwb before and it was a little rocky at the start. I traveled for about 5 weeks and didn’t hear from him as much as I wanted to. It was really bumming me out and it was making me like him more than I actually did. He was being the cat and I was eating it up. This persisted when I got home, which surprised me. I returned home on a Thursday and asked him if he was available that Sunday. He said he could move some things around for me. I thought he was just playing it cool, which he has admittedly done before. Sunday at around 4pm, he cancelled on me. I was out climbing with friends and I get this text message –


JB: Hey little lady, I’m still in (blah blah). Not sure if sexy time is in the cards for tonight L.

I hope you have it in your heart to forgive me.

ME: no worries *I was hurt and pissed.

JB: Do you have any plans tomorrow evening?

ME: I don’t think so

JB: You wanna hang out?

ME: Maybe J

JB: Maybe?!?

ME: Just trying to manage my expectations.

JB: I feel bad about letting you down today.

ME: No need to feel bad…

JB: Too late, I let you down. I’m gonna have to find a way to make it up to you.

ME: I’m sure you’ll figure something out.


We got together the next night, had dinner and went back to my place. Every time we have dinner together and are forced to talk about things other than sex I am reminded that we have absolutely no future together. We have nothing in common. The occasional dinner is a good reminder.

I’ve been home now for almost two months. There was a 2-week stretch where I didn’t see him and barely heard from him. Keep in mind that he is living in my town now. He is not two hours away anymore. When he was two hours away he was texting me every night. So things had changed, drastically and I didn’t like it. Then this happened:

JB: I think a visit is in order pretty soon

ME: You have an uncanny knack for contacting me when I’m thinking about you.

JB: It’s my 7th sense

ME: yeah yeah

Maybe it’s time for your Monty Python education.

JB: That’s not exactly what I had in mind!

ME: Oh yeah?

JB: I was thinking we could try yoga and hot yogurt

*side note – he had some kind of food poisoning recently and attributed it to eating greek yogurt that had been sitting in his car all day – it was hot.

ME: Sounds terrible J

JB: What’s your weekend look like?

ME: Not sure. My houseguest is either leaving tomorrow or Saturday, don’t know yet. And I work at the Arts Center on Saturday 10-4

JB: I’m not sure what I’ll be doing but would be nice to see you.

ME: We can try for Saturday…

JB: And Sunday?

ME: If you play your cards right.

JB: Playing it cool are you?

I’ll try extra hard.

ME: Haha no. You’re different in (small mountain town I live in). You’d better.

JB: I’m different in (small mountain town you live in)?

ME: I think so. Less communicative.

JB: Oh, you’re right L

You just seem so busy and I didn’t realize you wanted more communication.

ME: Me neither J

JB: I feel really bad now

ME: I am busy, but I still like to hear from you. Don’t feel bad! No need.

JB: Well I do

I like to hear from you too, it goes both ways


ME: Sorry I was on my way home.

That was very funny, and very true. In my mind I’ve been reacting to you. I’ve never felt weird about contacting you before now… I might not be very good at this.

JB: Are you getting feelings?

ME: I’m really not sure. I might be.

Honestly, if I didn’t like you to some extent I wouldn’t be able to spend time with you.

JB: I need to be getting to sleep, let’s talk more tomorrow. I’m not sure how to react, I really like you as a friend and thought we had a good thing going.

I really enjoy your company and would be very sad if we stopped seeing each other.

ME: It’s really not a big deal. I’m not capable of anything anyway. It’s all moot.

If I feel like anything needs to change, I’ll let you know. J

JB: I’m so confused! I’ll talk to you tomorrow and maybe we can have some hot yogurt this weekend.

ME: I shouldn’t have said anything. We should just forget it. Goodnight. Looking forward to hot yogurt.

JB: No, it’s important to say how you are feeling. Good or bad, it’s nice to know.

Nighty night lovely lady

So many thoughts on this. Remember when I was afraid he was going to fall in love with me and I was afraid I was going to break his heart?!?!?! Men are just so different. His behavior says he likes me, but clearly he does not. He likes hanging out with me and the sex is amazing – he says so all the time. He cuddles after sex, he caresses my naked body, it’s all very intimate.

Anyway, that text exchange happened a couple weeks ago and we never brought it up again. He has been more communicative and I’ve seen him more often. At first I felt so stupid, I felt like I had lost any power I tricked myself into believing I actually had, which made my confidence take a dip. He was making me feel bad and that is not what this was supposed to be. So I started chatting up a bunch of other guys. At one point I was texting with 4 other guys I would actually want to meet. Of course that wouldn’t last and I am actually not texting with any of them anymore, but I will share some of those texts because one of the guys is so hilarious, but three hours away. Of course…

I’ve seen JB three times in the last two weeks, a drastic improvement to how often we were seeing each other in the last two months. I am now feeling really good about JB being the best rebound a girl could hope for. He is kind, sexy, sweet, good in bed and responsive to my needs. Now that I know that he has no romantic feelings for me this opens up how adventurous I can be in bed because there is nothing to lose. We had dinner again this weekend, which was a great reminder, and had amazing sex Saturday night, Sunday morning and Wednesday night. I actually came with him inside me on Sunday morning, which was so hot. Granted I was touching myself, but it was still pretty great.

So all in all Friends with Benefits is working. We had a strange beginning, but its smooth sailing now. My expectations are adjusted and I don’t think he can disappoint me now. Which is perfect timing because my ex-husband is posting pictures of his new girlfriend on Insta and FB (something I asked him to give me a heads up about beforehand, but of course he didn’t).


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s