#8: Carlito Part III: The Final Fuck

About a month has passed since my kinky night with Carlito. Since then I started talking to this local artist on Bumble, who, like Bicycle Bob, is another Superman. He has a lot going on and he is not a good communicator, but maybe we can be art friends. Putting a pin in that one. Talked to a fellow divorcé from the city who is looking for a serious relationship only (not me). I broke a couple rules when I messaged him, but he was super cute. He is military and a former cop. A few red flags in that convo so that didn’t go far, but it was acknowledged that we both think the other is super cute. I talked to a guy on Tinder for the first time in months, a cartographer actually, and we flirted for a night. We joked about how the only way I could afford to live where I do is my sugar daddy, then I told him he could be my side piece. We got a lot of mileage out of that one. Then he got a little weird… So we stopped messaging. On that same night I started messaging with a self-proclaimed simple guy with simple needs who likes nice butts on Bumble. He lives two hours away but will be in my town for the whole summer, so we’re still talking. Jury is out on that one. But the exchanges are hilarious, so I might need to figure out how to upload the messages to the blog soon…

It seems that a month is my limit for abstaining from sex now that I am having it again. The first two weeks aren’t so bad, week three gets a little dicey then come week four I am so horny I am going to make some bad decisions… Enter Carlito for the third time.

I have a trip planned to fly home to see my family so I was going to be in his neighborhood, same with our divorced military man and this super cute guy from Tinder I messaged with a couple months ago.

So I messaged all three of them. I was hoping to get a happy hour drink with military man, dinner with cute tinder boy and booty call with Carlito. Pretty ambitious if you ask me, but I was up for it. Cute Tinder boy was out of town for work but getting back the next night if I was still going to be there, I wasn’t, bummer. There is something charming about this guy. He seems really happy and free and flirty. I still hope to meet him someday.

So military man was on the docket for 6-8pm and Carlito was meeting me at 8. Military Man was cute in person, I was worried he was going to be a shorty, but he was tall and lean, bald with a beard just like Carlito. He has blue eyes, tattoos and a really nice smile. He was a really good dresser, in fact, he might have been a little too metro-sexual for me, and a little too materialistic as well. My tastes have changed over these last few months and now I am looking for a somewhat rugged man. We grabbed drinks at this cute little bar that was two blocks from my hotel – the weirdest place I have ever stayed in btw. We talked about careers, art, design, divorce, relationships, online dating, etc. He met his ex-wife through a friend in the military, they were pen pals for a while, then he moved across the country to be with her without ever meeting her in person. They were together for about 5 years, she had issues, he was never around, she cheated on him, they split amicably. Amicably? Sounds like a SHIT SHOW to me. I warmed up to him at the end. He drove me back to my hotel so I wouldn’t be late for my next appointment, which he thought was a girlfriend from my past. Yes, I lied. I know, gross. I feel bad about it. I genuinely do, but I also didn’t think it would be very nice to tell either guy that they were one of two dates that night. But I was in the City, which I rarely am and I wanted to take advantage. He got out of the car to give me a nice hug. He was kind of cute and was going to be in my town in a few weeks, I told him to look me up. It’s probably going to be close to my third week of no sex, so things are looking good for him!!

So CARLITO… AGAIN. It was nice to see him actually. We grabbed a shitty dinner at a shitty diner down the street and went back to my hotel room for tequila and hopefully a lot of sex. We drank and talked for what seemed like hours. I was like, come the fuck on dude. LET’S DO THIS ALREADY! He is reading this book that is making him think deep thoughts about life and humanity and so we talked about that for a while. Part of me felt like he was testing me to see if I could get deep. Not sure why, he knows we aren’t going to date each other. I do not need to know if my fuck buddy can mentally go deep… We finally started making out, at like 11. Which is late because he worked and had to work in the morning and I had a long day myself. He said to me proudly that he brought a condom this time. I really appreciated that. But I bought him special condoms at the store, ultra thin, so that he could keep his erection. Needless to say, we used mine and HE COULDN’T.

I also got a wax, down there, the day before because I was still pissed that he told me that I had a fucking bush the last time. So fucking painful. And if I’m being honest, I think it looks absolutely ridiculous. I don’t think I have a pretty vagina, now that my hair is gone my lips look like a ROOSTERS WATTLE.

He fingered me, but did not eat me out, so he never even noticed. PUNK ASS.

I don’t love the way he kisses. He never uses his tongue. I like tongue and I want the man I am making out with to put it in my fucking mouth. He doesn’t. He couldn’t keep it up for me. Alcohol was not a factor that night. We barely drank in the hotel, maybe one airplane bottle of Tequila each. So that’s not it. My Wing-Woman, who met Carlito that first night thinks he might be gay and I might agree with her. It was a very disappointing night of sex, so I will never contact him again.

THREE STRIKES AND YOU ARE OUT.

Sad. Now I don’t have a twinkie in the city anymore. I feel like I am starting from scratch for my search for a nice, sexy guy who can make me cum.

UPDATE: He sent me a few texts since I saw him last, something he never does, so he must have sensed that I didn’t want to see him again. He checked in to make sure I arrived at my family’s home alright, and then checked in again when I returned to my home. So communicative, but he’s done.

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