#6: Bicycle Bob: A Bike for Two

I didn’t hear from BB on Sunday. I went to work on Monday, still thinking about him non-stop. And I wanted to see him, and found myself wishing and hoping he would text me while I was at work. So, I said fuck it, I took control of my life and texted him. I figured, I don’t want to date this guy, I just want to fuck him. So what’s the worst that could happen…

So I texted.

I told him I had to work until 8 or 9 that night but would love to meet up for a drink if he was free. He responded a couple hours later, said yes and asked where I wanted to meet.

It was kind of incredible where my mind went after I did this…

  1. I was on Cloud 9. I couldn’t believe what a high that was.
  2. I was surprised by how easy it was to ask for something I wanted & actually get it.
  3. I felt so fucking empowered.
  4. I felt like a sex goddess.
  5. I felt like a real woman.
  6. I felt like 9pm couldn’t come fast enough and that there was a very high possibility that my body might literally explode with anticipation.


We met. I was running early, so he was running late. I went to a bar, ordered a drink and waited for him. I played on my phone a little bit, and then as fate would have it, some cute guy I work with on the mountain also worked at this bar and we started chatting, just in time for Bicycle Bob to walk in. I introduced them they chatted for a second, then we focused our attention on each other. We talked about adrenaline, hobbies, work, pet peeves, death then at the end he said, well… would you like to come back to my place for a Corona (jokingly) and I said absolutely (completely serious). We walked back to his place and he told me about these insane bike trips he takes, we talked about listening to books on Audible and where his mind goes while he rides his bike for 300 miles at a time.

We got back to his place and he took his shoes off right away, went into the kitchen, I assumed to get beers and I told him that I didn’t really want a Corona. He told me to take my shoes off and that I was so silly to keep them on for so long, it was not even 3 minutes. (The difference between our shoe sizes was hilarious. I am a size 6 and he must have been a size 14, at least. I should have taken a picture of them next to each other.) He asked me if I always keep my shoes on inside. He was obsessed with this shoe thing. I told him that I take them off at my place and at friend’s places, especially when it’s wet and muddy outside, but it’s so dry out now. (I guess it felt presumptuous to take them off, or something like that.) And while I was saying that last sentence he walked up to me, put his hands on my hips and walked me backwards into his bedroom. He just had these moves. He was SO CONFIDENT.

He got me onto the bed and we continued talking. He asked me if I was ticklish. Yum. I am, very. I asked him if he was and he said no. Non-ticklish guys really bum me out. He told me the whole story about how he used to be really ticklish as a kid and then one day his cousin tickled him so hard, he just wasn’t anymore. Then somehow we started talking about how my brother would tickle torture me. BB was taking my pants off and asking me questions and I said, “My brother used to pin me down… You know, I just can’t talk about this while you’re taking my clothes off.”

I tried to take his pants off, but I was in this totally awkward position and he laughed at me and asked if I needed help, I said yes. He wore a big belt buckle and I teased him, it was so very cowboy of him. I wrapped my legs around him and asked him what he liked in bed…

He just said, YOU NAKED.

We had great banter, we laughed and turned each other on. I started to give him a blowjob. I was sideways, so my knees were aligned with his waist, he grabbed my legs, picked them up, swung me around, spread them and started to eat me out while I sucked his dick. It was by far the hottest thing a guy has ever done to my body. IT WAS SO FUCKING MANLY. Eventually, we started having sex, sans condom because I lost all common sense around this guy. Somehow I wasn’t quite wet enough, there is no logical explanation on the planet for that. So he said he had an idea, left the room and came right back with the coconut oil he uses for his hair and used it as our own personal lubricant. He’s a PROBLEM SOLVER if nothing else (but really, he was also everything else.) He came in like five minutes.


But my legs were shaking and I was exhausted. He started to fiddle with my clit and I asked him what he was doing, he should just enjoy the feeling and relax. So he did. I went to the bathroom, came back and he was passed out sideways on the bed.

I turned the lights off, the fan on and got back into bed with him. He turned us around and kept me out of the wet spot. We snuggled but not quite like that first night. I was so uncomfortable there that night. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t sleep, I was hot and cold. I should have left. He woke up at 5am and got dressed for work, gave me a kiss on the cheek and said SEE YA. He came back into the room to get something, my eyes were open and he said hey, I smiled and said hey back. He lingered in the doorway, we smiled at each other, then he left.

That was the last time I saw him. Which was heartbreaking because after that night I found myself wanting to date him. And once I had that realization, I spiraled out of control. I felt like I did everything wrong. You know that feeling I had 24 hours ago when I asked him out and he said yes – I felt the exact opposite.

I started to SLUT SHAME myself. I had drinks with him twice and went home with him twice, I made it way too easy for him. I shouldn’t have slept over, either night. I shouldn’t have asked him out, either time, I should have waited for him to ask me out. I think he made up his mind that moment he was lingering in the doorway. Deciding if he should say, I’ll call you, or see you soon, and decided to say nothing because he knew he wasn’t going to call me or see me soon. I started reading online articles about sleeping with a guy on the first date, etc. I felt doomed. SEE YA. That’s how he said bye to me. It was a far cry from, I’d really like to see you again. I had a pit in my stomach for a few days and stayed silent, as did he. I watched the races with a friend on Thursday and texted him Thursday night and told him that it was pretty cool. He texted me back Friday at noon the he was glad that I enjoyed it. I texted him again on Saturday night:

ME: Are you at the concert? It’s so fun!

Sunday at 1pm

BB: Sorry my phone died. I was there. It was great. We’re almost wrapping up here.

Tuesday at 2pm

ME: If you’re free tonight you should take me out to dinner and make an honest woman out of me.

BB: Sorry. The last couple of days were crazy. I had to go home this morning. I should have made more of an effort to see you again.

If you’re ever in (small mountain town two hours away from me).

At this point, his Bumble profile said that he was still in town. I was totally heart broken. So this was my response two hours later…

ME: I’m never this forward. So, if you want to see me again I am receptive. Otherwise, it was really nice to meet you and good luck on your adventures. You’re lovely. (with a heart emoji).

And I never heard from him again.

So, I put the ball in his court and he did nothing with it. NO SHOCKER, he didn’t want to see me again when he was 5 miles away, he is not going to want to travel two hours to see me.

Since I knew his name and that he was on IG I decided to stalk him a little. I found out that he was a GUINNESS WORLD RECORD HOLDER for long distance bike things. I knew he was out of my league, but holy fucking shit, this was insane.

I feel like this was my first actual rejection (I didn’t like the ginger much, and he didn’t see me naked, so he doesn’t count.) I feel like I did everything wrong, but I was trying to follow my instincts.  I tried to play it as cool as I possibly could, but he really lost interest after that second night. Was it because he had to use the coconut oil? Maybe I’m bad at sex… The chemistry we had together was fantastic, I thought at least. I was flooded with self-doubt after this experience, but it was so lovely in general that I am trying really hard not to be bummed out and to be glad to have loved and lost. I mean, he was an incredible physical specimen, the hottest guy I have ever been with and probably will ever be with. He was smart and charming and funny and accomplished and I actually felt connected to him. FUCK. And the best thing about him was that he didn’t brag about his accomplishments. I had no idea about the absolutely amazing things he has done in his life. SO SEXY AND SO HUMBLE.

Not sure what the lesson here is… Treat every date like someone I might actually want to date? But that sounds too much like DATING! And I’m not ready for that. I guess that means I am not ready for him.

For the record, his Bumble account still says he is in town (a month later)… He is not. I know this because I am a creepy IG stalker. Yes, I am still looking at his IG a month later. The only scenario I can foresee that would make me stop stalking him is meeting a man who can actually make me cum. So… it’s going to be a while. I’m happy to have finished writing about him, hopefully this means I’ll stop thinking about him.

So, now I am going to masturbate to him, hopefully for the last time.

I really hope our paths cross again. ARGH! So fucking desperate!

Thoughts and opinions are sooooo welcome!



  1. Don’t feel bad!!! You did nothing at all wrong; you have him plenty of chances to get in touch and made it clear you were interested in seeing him again, he was the dick for not being honest with you.

    It may be better that he stays so attractive in your head, as I suspect his perfection would’ve soon worn thin.

    Oh, and five minutes?! You definitely deserve more than that, no matter how good those few minutes are!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ^^^ agreed with 5 minutes

    Also, don’t let infatuation and sex get confused for love. Sometimes I get excited about guys, but usually it takes at least a month to three months to have them really show their true self. Try to not let 2 dates get to you so much.

    Liked by 1 person

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