#5: My best date to-date, lets call him Bicycle Bob

Bicycle Bob liked me on Bumble first and I hemmed and hawed about his profile for a while. I couldn’t tell if he was cute or not. Eventually I swiped right, reluctantly, and messaged him. I asked him if he was in town for the weekend skiing and that’s when he told me he was here working for two weeks. I liked this possibility because if we hit it off, it potentially meant that a lot of sex could be had… At the bottom of his profile, he says, I’m not into endless texting, let me buy you a drink at your favorite bar and see if we have chemistry! I think that’s what hooked me. I wasn’t going to get stuck in an never-ending text cycle. Plus he uses exclamation points, which for some reason I find really, really cute. An enthusiastic guy is sexy. Not only did it already feel like he was enthusiastic about me in particular (MIND FUCK) but, it shows that he can express excitement, something I constantly overdo and my ex never did.

So, I let him buy me a drink at my favorite bar on a Friday night. We made plans an hour before, which is the best no-pressure option for me, I don’t have enough time to get nervous. He got there first, grabbed a table and waited for me before ordering a drink. He was absolutely gorgeous, tall, brunette, blue eyes, great smile and a fucking BRITISH ACCENT. I was screwed. He was funny, interesting, interested in me, adrenaline junky (like most men here are), smart, driven in life, ugh, he was DREAMY AS HELL. We ordered a craft cocktail, one the bartender suggested as the least sweet one on the menu and it ended up being hideous. It was anise flavored, and neither of us like anise. He choked his down, then halfway through mine I scooted it over to his side of the table and told him that I just couldn’t. He asked if I wanted another glass of wine, I didn’t.

I went to the bathroom, came back and some weird guy was standing at the table talking to Bob. He didn’t leave. He grabbed our hands and told us how cute we were and put our hands together, which was our first skin to skin contact. Then he kept leaning over to kiss me on the cheek. He left for a couple minutes, Bob gave me a rose. I looked at him with multiple questions in my eyes and he said it was from that guy. I laughed, smelled it and said thank you to him for it. Then dude came back to the table and tried to kiss me on the cheek again! I tried so hard to be laid back and cool about it but finally I said OK, NO MORE OF THAT, we’re leaving. So Bob made me take the rose so the guy didn’t come out after us. And we snuck out the back door of the bar.

We basically shut the bar down. After our narrow escape from weird dude, Bob asked what I wanted to do now… He offered up some options, he could walk me to my car or go back to his place for another beer, I said I could have another beer. So we went back to his place. I absolutely did not want another beer…

He cut up some limes, opened up a couple Coronas and we sat on the couch and continued to talk. He took his shoes off, I kept mine on and he gave me a hard time about it. He told me I could relax and take my shoes off, so I did. I got the feeling that he thought I was a bit ridiculous for keeping them on. He went to the bathroom, then came back and sat close, so that my legs were leaning on his. We talked about his family a little then before we found a new topic of conversation I grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him into me and kissed him. It was the most aggressive move I have ever made in my life. Bicycle Bob just drove me absolutely crazy. He was BIG AND STRONG and picked me up and laid me down on the couch. The feel of him between my legs was incredible. His hands were huge (oh my god those fucking hands), he had the best body and I could tell he knew exactly what he was doing, as opposed to Carlito who was charmingly clumsy.

He didn’t have any condoms, I just happened to have one in my jacket pocket thank goodness. We got naked on the couch, he flipped me around, picked me up and CARRIED ME TO BED. He told me that I looked worried, and I told him that I was petite and he was huge, so yes I was a little worried. But he had me so wet, it didn’t matter. The condom didn’t fit him, he needed a MAGNUM. The idea of me having sex with a man who needs a Magnum-sized condom is comical and terrifying, but there we were. I was so into him, I didn’t care, so I had unprotected sex yet again, like a FUCKING MORON. We fooled around for hours. He finally came while he was on his knees and my hips were in the air. Not inside of me of course. Everything about it, accept for the non-condom-using was so fucking hot. Just thinking about it now 1.5 months later gives me butterflies.

I went to the bathroom to avoid a UTI and to clean off and got back into bed. He grabbed me, pulled me in tight, lifted my left leg so it was on top of his legs and hugged me to sleep. Good sex, GREAT CUDDLING.

A couple hours later he woke me up by kissing my neck and rubbing my clit. I arched my back and pushed my ass into his cock, which was already rock-hard. So I turned around and straddled him, there was no way he was going inside of me again, he wrecked me for a couple days. In between kisses, I told him that he was so fucking sexy. He flipped me around and told me, “You’re pretty damn sexy yourself.” I gave him a blow job, he ate me out (a term which I absolutely hate btw), neither of us came and we fell asleep holding each other again.

He got ready for work at 7am and gave me a nice kiss, told me to stay and sleep and that he would really like to see me again. I said, “me too” and drifted back to sleep in his bed as he left for work. I left his place at 8am, I also had to go to work. I really liked that he let me stay and sleep, we slept about 3 hours that night and I was exhausted. I thought it showed a lot of trust and that he was a sweet guy. On my way out, I saw a lot of official paperwork lying around with his full name on it, so at least I knew what his last name was now.

When I got to work that morning, I texted him, and said thank you for letting me sleep. He texted me back a couple hours later and told me that he was glad I could sleep more and that he could have used a couple more hours in bed. We texted a little more about our days, then I DID THIS:

Me: I am going to a friends place tonight for a game night, usually a pretty good time. You’re more than welcome to come with.

BB: I might, I’m still at work, I’ll let you know later.

A couple hours later…

BB: Just got off from work, so tired. Going to grab some food and crash. Come over after games if you want.

Me: Totally understandable.

And that’s a tempting offer, I’ll let you know.

11pm same night…

BB: Are you winning?

Me: I just got home.

BB: Can’t tempt in coming over?

Me: Not tonight. Although I’d love to just lay in bed with you right now.

But I don’t think we would be able to behave ourselves.

BB: That’s why you should come over.

Me: My body needs time to recover from last night. And you need sleep!

BB: I do. Falling asleep right now, good night.

That was Saturday. There is a part 2 to this story…


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